The Buffy Horror Picture Show
by scully8746
Summary: The world of the scary meets the world of the scary... you pick which one's which. (Duh, Buffy/Rocky Horror)
1. One

::Title:**The Buffy Horror Picture Show**::  
::Author:Chrissy::  
::Email:scully8746@hotmail.com::  
::Summary:A Buffy/Rocky Horror crossover::  
::Spoilers:My version of "Restless::

  
  
  


Buffy sighed and stared into Riley's eyes. "You're sure you'll be alright," she said. It was more of a question than a statement.

Riley smiled comfortingly. "Sure as I am of anything." The smile started to turn into a frown. "Which is less and less these days..." He shook his head. "No, I think you're right... I'm going to call them and set up the debriefing for tomorrow. They won't like it, but I have lots of dirt on the Initiative... they'll just have to deal." He disappeared into the kitchen, and returned a moment later. "All clear! Movie fest is a go!"

Suddenly Joyce and Xander emerged from the kitchen. "Dinner is served!" Xander announced. "My very own recipe."

"You pushed the button on the microwave marked 'popcorn'?" Willow teased.

"Actually, I pushed 'defrost'," Xander said, grinning sheepishly. "But Joyce was there in the clinch."

"Well, you guys have fun tonight," Joyce said, smiling tiredly. Then she turned to Riley. "It was nice meeting you... finally." Then she looked over at Buffy. "You notice how pointedly I said 'finally'?"

"No," Buffy said sarcastically.

Riley grinned and he and Buffy led the group out into the living room.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" Giles offered to Joyce, as he sat down on the couch.

Joyce set down the tray of popcorn and smiled. "No, you guys have your fun. I'm tired... I can't believe you guys aren't exhausted -- have you even slept since...?"

Giles shook his head. "Still feel a bit too wired."

"Yeah, that spell, it was powerful," Willow agreed.

"I don't think I *could* sleep!" Buffy asserted. Riley sat down by her feet, and she smiled, twirling a piece of his hair around her finger.

"Well, we got plenty of vid. And I'm putting in a preemptive bid for 'Apocalypse Now'. Heh?" Xander offered.

"Did you get anything less Heart of Darkness-y?" Willow responded, checking the stacks of videos on the coffee table.

Joyce shook her head, trying to stifle laughter, and headed up the stairs.

"'Apocalypse Now' is a gay romp!" Xander argued. "It's the feel good movie of whatever year it was!"

"What else," Buffy said sternly.

Xander sighed. "I don't know... how about 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'?"

The gang quickly agreed, and the movie was in the VCR. 

Soon lips appeared on the TV screen.

"Michael Rennie was ill The Day the Earth Stood Still, but he told us where we stand. And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear, Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. Then something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong; they got caught in a celluloid jam. Then at a deadly pace it came from... Outer Space. And this is how the message ran," they sang.

Buffy giggled. "I love this movie. I must've seen this, like, five billion times..."

"Science fiction, double feature Doctor X will build a creature. See androids fighting Brad and Janet; Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet. Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh At the late night, double feature, picture show," the lips sang on. "I knew Leo G. Carrol Was over a barrel when Tarantula took to the hills. And I really got hot when I saw Jeanette Scott fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. Dana Andrews said Prunes gave him the runes and passing them used lots of skills. But When Worlds Collide, Said George Powell to his bride, 'I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,' Like a... "

But the gang was already asleep.

~*~*~

"Here they come!" a voice called.

Buffy looked around. "Where are we?" she muttered, glancing at Riley, who stood next to her in a suit and... "A *plaid* bow-tie?" she giggled. "Oh, God, Riley... we've got to go shopping for you..."

But, "Let's get a picture!" the photographer was saying. "Close together now..."

Buffy's eyes widened. "You have *got* to be kidding me," she muttered.

"What's wrong?" Riley asked her, glancing around. "I mean, other than the fact that we've been sucked into some strange reality..."

"This is it!" Buffy yelped. "This *is* The Rocky Horror Picture Show! We got sucked into the movie!"

Riley laughed. "I think chances are that we're dreaming."

"No... dreams," a raspy voice said, next to Buffy. "Just... the kill... we are... *alone*." Buffy turned to see the First Slayer standing next to her.

"What is this?" Buffy demanded. "I mean, we got sucked into Betty and Ralph's *wedding* for God's sake... what are you trying to pull? And *who are you*?!"

"I guess we finally did it," a blonde man said to Riley.

Riley turned to him. "Uh... excuse me?" he offered weakly.

"Betty and I," Ralph said. "What's wrong with you, Brad? You seem kind of... out of it."

"Riley!" Buffy hissed. "What are you doing? We have to play the part, or we'll mess up their demented world!"

"What part?" Riley asked, bewildered. "I don't think I've ever seen this movie before!"

Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to Ralph. "Yeah, you... you did it!" she agreed. "It's great... and... uh... all thanks to Dr. Everett Scott's refresher course! Right?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, Janet, that's the only reason I showed up in the first place!" Ralph chuckled.

"You chauvinistic pig!" Buffy muttered.

Ralph looked confused, but was saved from answering by Betty's voice across the crowd.

"Okay, you guys! This is it!" she shouted.

"Oh... look... Betty's going to throw the bouquet!" Riley offered.

"Oh, shoot!" Buffy muttered, hitching up her skirt and running over. "I'm supposed to catch it..." To her surprise, the flowers flew right into her hands. "I got it... I got it!" she called.

Ralph chuckled next to Riley. "Hey, big fella, looks like it could be your turn next. Eh?" he offered.

"What?" Riley replied, oblivious.

Ralph gave him one last strange look and climbed into the waiting car.

Buffy snorted when she read the side of it. 'Wait till tonite!' it read. 'She got hers, now he'll get his!'

"I forgot how stupid and... un-liberated this dumb era was," Buffy muttered.

Riley looked at her. "Okay, I'm really confused. How do we get back? This world's... kinda scary."

"Oh, definitely," Buffy agreed. "And, I mean, we haven't really even gotten to the scariest part yet... wait till you meet Dr. Frank-n-Furter..."

Suddenly music began to play out of nowhere.

"Ugh!" Buffy complained. "Oh, just skip the damn musical number! It's stupid anyway!" She grabbed Riley by the hand and hauled him off toward Brad's car. "Come on. We've got to go visit Dr. Everett Scott."

~*~*~

"I'd like, ah, if I may... to take you on a strange journey," the scary narrarator said. "It seemed a fairly ordinary night when..." Suddenly he stopped and peered down at the police reports in front of him. "Now, wait a minute!" he said angrily. "Someone's tampered with the evidence! This isn't the way it's supposed to go...!"

~*~*~

"Up here," Buffy said, pointing forward. They were driving through the torrential rain, on the road to Dr. Everett Scott's house. 

BANG!

The whole car shuddered, and Buffy and Riley were jerked forward in their seats.

"Uh-oh," Riley said, unbuckling his seat belt. "I think the tire just blew."

Buffy nodded. "Yep. And now we have to walk back to that mansion we passed. There's this scary dude inside... but hey! We get to see them do the Time Warp!"

"Alright," Riley agreed dubiously. "But... Buffy... please just remind me... why are we doing this?"

"Duh!" Buffy said, exasperated. "The First Slayer... she must be doing something... some kind of torture or punishment or something, because we used her essence in the spell. Anyway, if we got sucked into the roles of Brad and Janet, then Giles and Xander and Willow and everybody must be somewhere else in the movie. We can't leave until we find them!"

"Right," Riley said, nodding. "Well, come on then..."

Buffy led him by the hand, down the road and through to the chain link fence. "Here it is!" she said, pointing to the sign: 'Enter At Your Own Risk!'

Suddenly music began to play again. Buffy groaned. "Oh no!" she wailed. "Not another one!"

"What?" Riley asked, confused.

"Another song!" Buffy exclaimed. "Let's see... I think this one is 'Over At The Frankenstein Place'... but I can't remember the words."

Suddenly a chorus of voices joined the music. "Over at the Frankenstein place!"

"Oh, right!" Buffy exclaimed. She began to hum along. "There's a light..." She turned to Riley. "Come on, do it with me here!"

"Over at the Frankenstein place!"

"There's a light..." the two sang together, walking closer to the house.

"Burning in the fireplace..."

"There's a light!" Buffy sang on. "Light in the darkness of everybody's life!" Riley stared at her, and she grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm an addict."

Suddenly another man began to sing. "The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming Into my life. Into my life..."

"That's Riff Raff," Buffy explained. "He's going to answer the door. But beware, he's this hunchback weirdo dude... I'm not very good at-- oh!" she exclaimed, as the chorus started again. "Darn! We missed our cue!"

"Burning in the fireplace!" the chorus sang. "There's a light, a light..."

"Buffy, is it really that important that we sing along?" Riley said, a pained expression on his face. 

Buffy grinned. "Yup! Come on!" They marched closer to the castle. Suddenly the music stopped, and the scary narrator guy's voice filled the air once more.

"And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. ...Or had they?"

"Hey!" Buffy said, as soon as Riff Raff opened the door. "We're cold and it's raining and the car broke down, and do you have a phone we could use?"

"You're wet," Riff Raff observed, staring them up and down.

"Yeah... uh... it's raining," Riley offered.

"Yes... I think perhaps you'd better both come inside," Riff Raff said, opening the door wider.

Buffy glanced around as she stepped inside. "You're having a party?" she prompted.

"You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs," Riff Raff explained.

"Great," Buffy said vaguely. "That phone?"

"Buffy?!" a scared voice called.

Buffy glanced around, just as Willow came sliding down the stairs, dressed in a maid uniform.

"Willow?" Buffy exclaimed. "Well, look at you! You lucky duck! Here I am stuck playing Janet, and you got to be Magenta?"

"What?" Willow squeaked, still scared. "Buffy, this place is really freaky. How'd we get here?"

"I don't know," Buffy said, shaking her head. "We're in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I know that much. The question is, how do we get out?"

Riff Raff stared back and forth at them, but finally just began to sing. "It's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness takes its toll. But listen closely..."

He stared at Willow expectantly, but she just shivered with fear.

Finally Riff Raff just shrugged and continued. "I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time-warp drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me..."

Again, he glanced at Willow, but had to continue on his own. "And a void would be calling... "

From the big hall in front of them came the voices of the Transylvanians. "Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!" 

Riff Raff ushered all three of them inside, where there were tons of people dressed in really odd clothing, all dancing around the floor.

~*~*~

"It's just a jump to the left," the scary narrarator said, pointing to his chart.

~*~*~

"And then a step to the right!" the people sang, demonstrating.

~*~*~

"With your hands on your hips."

~*~*~

"But it's the pelvic thrust!" Buffy sang. "That really drives you insane! Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Riley glanced at Willow. "You know, when I said she was peculiar, I really had no idea..."

  
  
  


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5


	2. Two

(((Part 2)))

  
  
  


Buffy stared back at Riley, very embarrassed, as their clothing was pulled off their bodies by Riff Raff. He kept sending Willow mysterious looks; she was acting very strangely tonight...

"Uh... Buffy...?" Riley said helplessly.

"Sorry!" she replied. "I kind of forgot about this part... don't worry, nothing utterly weird... uh, yet... they're just raising Rocky Horror."

"Right," Riley said uncertainly.

"You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory," Riff Raff commented. "Some people would give their right arm for the privilege."

Riley glanced back over at Buffy. "We don't, right? I mean, we don't actually have to give our arms up?"

Buffy smiled. "No, don't worry."

Riff Raff guided them up the stairs. "Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Is... is Frank my, um, my husband?" Willow asked helplessly. "I hate this movie, and I haven't even seen it in, like, five years or something..."

"The master is not yet married, nor do I think he will ever be. We are simply his servants," Riff Raff replied, oblivious.

"Hmm," Buffy replied.

"Magenta, Columbia, go assist Riff Raff!" Frank ordered as they waltzed into his laboratory. "I will entertain... uh huh huh..."

"I'm Riley Finn," Riley said, offering his hand. "And this is my girlfriend, Buffy Summers. Hey, do you know where Giles and Xander are? I'd really, *really* like to leave now."

Frank stared at Riley for a moment, but then moved on to Buffy. "Enchante," he said mysteriously, bending down to kiss her hand.

Buffy yanked it away and stared at him angrily. "Um, I'm kind of agreeing with Riley now."

"Well! How nice," Frank remarked dryly. "And what charming underclothes you both have. But here," he continued, handing them lab coats. "Put these on. They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality."

"Hospitality!" Riley exclaimed. "We don't want your hospitality! I just want to go home! You're all very sick people and I don't like it here at all!"

"Riley, shut up!" Buffy hissed.

"How... *forceful* you are, Riley," Frank said, eyeing him delightedly. "Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant. You must be awfully proud of him, Buffy."

"Yeah, great, but I think you're making him uncomfortable," Buffy replied, staring up at Riley's face, flushed with embarrassment.

Frank laughed. "Do you have any tattoos, Riley?"

Buffy grabbed Riley's arm and pulled him away. "Let's talk about that later. Right now you have to raise Rocky Horror, remember?"

"Everything is in readiness, master," Riff Raff added. "We merely await your... word."

"Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... you are about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise is to be mine! It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break... whole pieces seem to fit into place, not a sign of being.. what a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took a small accident to make it happen... AN ACCIDENT... " Frank cried.

"An accident!" Columbia echoed.

"..and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that SPARK that is the breath of life... Yes, I have that knowledge... I hold the secret... to life... itself! You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN! Up now! ...throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step the reactor power input THREE MORE POINTS!" Frank continued, lowering the tank that held Rocky Horror.

"Oh, God," Buffy muttered.

Riley glanced around uncertainly. "When we get home, remind me never to see this movie."

"Oh! Rocky!" Frank-n-Furter exclaimed.

Suddenly Rocky rose out of the tank and began to sing. "The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head, and I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread. "

"You idiot!" Frank exclaimed.

"Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery. Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer. I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed," Rocky continued, dancing around the laboratory.

"That ain't no crime!" the chorus sang.

And so the song rang on, with Riley nearly wringing his hands in despair... this was a very strange land, indeed.

"Well, really!" Frank sighed when the musical number was over. "That's no way to behave on your first day out."

"Ugh ugh," Rocky grunted.

"But since you are such an exceptional beauty, I'm prepared to forgive you," Frank continued.

"Ugh ugh."

"Oh, I just love success!" Frank exclaimed.

Riley stared at him. "Success? There's a guy in golden underpants standing in front of you. That's not success. That's insanity."

Frank looked angry enough to respond, but Riff Raff cut in, breaking the tension. "He's a credit to your genius, master."

"Yes," Frank agreed.

"A triumph of your will!"

"He's okay," Columbia agreed.

"Okay?" Frank raged. "Okay?! I think we can do better than that! Hmph! Well, Riley and Buffy, what do you think of him?"

"Great," Buffy said, her enthusiasm at a minimum. "Look, I know this is important and all, but we really do need to use a phone."

"I didn't make him FOR YOU!" Frank continued, oblivious. "He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval!"

And then the music began again.

"Oh no," Willow groaned.

"A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds Will get sand in his face When kicked to the ground; And soon in the gym with a determined chin, The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause Will make him glisten ...and gleam. And with massage, and just a little bit of steam, He'll be pink and quite clean He'll be a strong man. Oh honey... ," Frank sang. 

"But the wrong man," they all sang together.

"He'll eat nutritious high protein. And swallow raw eggs... Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs. Such an effort if he only knew of my plan. In just seven days... ," Frank continued.

"I can make you a man!" Buffy joined in. "I remember this one!"

"Me too," Willow agreed. She didn't look very happy about it.

"He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk. He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work. Such strenuous living I just don't understand, When in just seven days, oh baby ...I can make you a man," Frank continued, but was suddenly interrupted.

"Eddie!" Columbia exclaimed, as a boy burst through some doors on his motorcycle.

The music began, but he didn't move. Buffy turned around to see who it was and gasped. 

Xander.

"Xander!" she exclaimed.

"Buffy... I'm really, *really* scared... this is way worse than syphillis... where the hell are we?" he yelped.

"Rocky Horror Picture Show," Buffy explained for the third time. "I don't know. Somehow we got sucked in. We have to find Giles and get out!"

Suddenly Frank went running after Xander with an ice-pick. 

"No!" Buffy screamed, pulling Xander to the side. "No, Frank, you can't kill this guy. He's one of our friends, I swear."

Frank paused to think about it. "Well... can I not... but still say I did?"

Willow nodded eagerly. "Uh-huh! Right... er... boss..."

  
  
  


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 


	3. Three

(((Part 3)))

  
  
  


"There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of the imagination. If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe, ... however, the sudden departure of their host...and his creation...into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms," the narrarator said darkly.

~*~*~

"Who is it?" Buffy called at the knock on her door.

"It's only me!" Riley replied.

"Oh, come on in, Riley!" she replied. She heard the door shut and then he was by her bedside.

Suddenly she felt his hand running across her stomach, and Buffy giggled. "I guess you couldn't wait for that bible study, huh?" Then an odd thought occurred to her, and Buffy sat straight up. "Ew! Gross! I just remembered this scene! Get your slimy paws away from me!" She jumped up out of bed and found herself face to face with... Riley.

"What scene?" he asked, confused.

Buffy sighed. "Oh. Sorry. It is you. No, there's just this scene in the movie where Frank appears at the bedroom door and pretends to be Brad, and then he starts 'groping'... Janet eventually figures it out, but she sleeps with him anyway... which is really, *really* icky when you think about it."

"Oh."

"But it gets worse!" she continued. "Then he goes and pretty much does the same thing to Brad, but the other way around."

"Oh," Riley said again, looking more disgusted. But he shook it off. "Listen, are you okay? I just came by to check on you. This place is really weird, and I'd kind of like to get out of here soon."

"I know," Buffy sighed. "Me, too. It's just..."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Buffy looked toward it, confused. "Hello? Who is it?"

"It's me!" someone who sounded an awful lot like Riley replied.

Buffy smiled at Riley. "See? This would be it." She marched over to the door and threw it open. "Now, look!" she yelled at Frank. "Janet may have been stupid enough to fall for that, but I'm Buffy Summers, and I know what you're up to! So, *no*, I will not have sex with you... and neither will Riley, for that matter! So go off to your own room! GOODNIGHT!"

"Well," Frank sniffed. "If that's really how you feel..." He walked off down the hall, kicking his heels up behind him.

Buffy rolled her eyes and slammed the door. "Well... took care of that problem."

Riley laughed. "Right... seriously, though, about getting out of here?"

Then there was another knock at the door. "Hold that thought," Buffy said angrily. She marched over to the door and yanked it open. "I said get the hell away from me!" Then she noticed who was there. "Oh! Xander, Willow, come on inside. We're actually just... er... formulating a plan right now..."

The other two Scoobies walked inside and greeted Riley, and then all three of them sat down on Buffy's bed to discuss stratagems...

~*~*~

In the master's laboratory, Riff Raff watched it all on Candid Camera.

His eyebrow raised suspiciously, but then he turned to Frank's 'bridal suite'. He laughed and reached out to burn the transvestite scientist's human creation with the candlestick, but Rocky was too strong, and broke through his chains.

~*~*~

"Owwww! Merrrrrcccyyy!" Riff Raff screamed, as Frank twisted his ear.

"How did it happen?" Frank demanded. "I understood you were to be watching!"

"I was only away for a minute, master!" Riff Raff pleaded.

"Well... see if you can find him on the monitor," Frank finally acquiesced.

"Master, master!" he said suddenly. "We have a visitor!"

"Giles!" Riley exclaimed, seeing him on the monitor.

"Giles!" the other three Scoobies replied, equally surprised.

"You know this earthling... erm, person?" Riff Raff asked suspiciously.

"Sure!" Buffy exclaimed. "He used to be my Watcher!"

"I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here with a purpose," Frank grilled them.

"Actually, the car broke down," Buffy corrected. "Besides which, if we're going to return to our world... well, we had to make sure we were all together first."

Frank chose to ignore him, and instead turned to Buffy. "I know what you told me...but this is Dr. Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me."

"Actually, he's Rupert Giles," Willow chimed in. "And he used to be the librarian at Sunnydale High School."

"Yeah. Before we blew it up," Xander added.

"And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Buffy? He's attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call UFO's! Isn't that right, Buffy?!" Frank shrieked.

Xander laughed. "You couldn't be further from the truth! No one in our group is associated with secret government organi-..." Riley coughed, and Xander stopped short. "Oh. Right."

"The intruder is entering the building, master," Riff Raff informed them.

"He'll probably be... in the Zen room. Should we inquire of him in person?" Frank suggested, marching off before anyone could respond.

"Giles!" Buffy cried when they came face to face.

"Oh! Buffy!" he exclaimed, running toward her. "You have no idea how horrible this world is. I'm not sure how we got sucked in, but... good God! Is that man in drag?!" He stared at Frank, astounded.

"Don't play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what Buffy is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not? That she and her male should check the layout for you. Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I am adaptable, Dr. Scott; I know Buffy is." Frank looked pleased with himself.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Listen, now that we're all together, I think we ought to get out of here. This place is horrible, I'm telling you."

"Oh, I know," Giles agreed. "But... might I ask... *where* are we?"

"The Rocky Horror Picture Show," Buffy explained. "Somehow, I guess we got sucked in... and the First Slayer was here, Giles. I think it's some kind of big punishment for using her essence in the spell."

"Punishment... indeed...," Giles muttered darkly.

Suddenly Riff Raff appeared in the doorway. "Master... dinner is prepared."

"Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional," Frank replied, inviting them all into the dining room.

"Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little.. bon ami," they heard the narrarator say.

"And bon voyage!" Buffy replied angrily, glancing around. "Look, I don't know who you are, Mister, but you're not helping very much, so maybe it would be better if you just left!"

Frank cleared his throat. "A... a toast... to absent friends."

They all raised their glasses.

"I wish Tara were here," Willow said glumly.

"And Anya," Xander added.

"You guys!" Buffy exclaimed. "Don't say that! I don't know about you, but... hey, I really wouldn't wish this on anybody."

"Good point," Willow agreed.

"Yes, well... and a toast to Rocky. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Rocky... Shall we?" Frank invited, gesturing toward his laboratory. 

"Wait!" Buffy interrupted. "Look, Frank... I think we all would really like to leave now."

"Well, for heaven's sake, why?" Frank said, exasperated.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Because you're all aliens! And I've seen the movie before, so I know the ending! Now, I know about the floorshow -- which, by the way, before you even go there, I am *so* not participating in -- and can we please just go now?"

And then suddenly the music began again.

"Oh, Riff Raff!" Frank-N-Furter sang out. "Please shut off the music! It seems are guests are having problems with their... departure..."

The music disappeared, and they were all left in silence.

Until the Narrarator started up again. "And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals...and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that is spoken--"

"Hey, what script are you reading from?" Buffy called indignantly. "I mean, first of all, 'forbidden fruit'? Well, not here, anyway... and Brad and Janet? I mean, hello! We've been Buffy and Riley for quite awhile! And hey, engaged? Riley and I aren't engaged! Get with the program, here!"

"Buffy," Willow tried to reason, "stop arguing with the narrarator..."

"No, Will!" Buffy said, shrugging her off. "I have had enough of this! I want to go home! Rocky Horror Land sucks!"

  
  
  


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 


	4. Four

(((Part 4)))

  
  
  


"Come, come, come!" Frank insisted, dragging Buffy and Riley by their arms. "Come with me to the auditorium! You really must see the floorshow!"

"Frank, I'm not putting on that outfit," Buffy warned.

Frank pouted. "Oh, please, Buffy! If you don't put it on, I'll have to magnetize you... and you wouldn't want that, would you?"

"That's it!" Riley said, throwing his arms in the air. "I've had it. I really have no clue what's going on, but you all are starting to bug me."

"Me too!" Willow agreed angrily.

"Yep, I'm in with that," Xander added.

"Yes... erm... quite," Giles agreed, polishing his glasses.

And then the music began *again*. 

"Oh, God...," Buffy groaned. 

"This is my little segment, isn't it?" Willow asked, confused.

But it didn't matter, because soon Rocky began to sing. "I'm just seven hours old, And truly beautiful to behold. And somebody should be told My libido hasn't been controlled. Now the only thing I've come to trust is an orgasmic rush of lust. Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain!"

"This is ridiculous!" Buffy scoffed, grabbing Riley's hand. "Come on. We're getting out of here."

But Frank blocked their path. "Whatever happened to Fay Wray? That delicate, satin-draped frame? As it clung to her thigh How I started to cry 'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same," he sang. "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure And sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh... oh! Don't dream it, be it." 

"Let's get out of here," Giles agreed, eyeing Frank very strangely.

And then the music changed again.

"My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my! I'm a wild and an untamed thing. I'm a bee with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain," Frank sang.

Now Riff Raff and Rocky joined in. "We're a wild and an untamed thing. We're bees with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain!" they sang. "We're a wild and an untamed thing. We're bees with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone, gone, gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain."

All the while, Frank continued to urge the Scooby Gang out of the auditorium where they had moved with the beginning of the music and back into the laboratory.

Just when Buffy was afraid she couldn't stay away without touching Frank any longer, Riff Raff stepped in his path.

"Frank N Furter, it's all over. Your mission is a failure; Your lifestyle's too extreme. I'm your new commander; You now are my prisoner. We return to Transylvania. Prepare the transit beam!" he shouted.

"Transit beam..." Buffy murmured.

"Wait! Wait, I can explain!" Frank pleaded. He began to croon out his last number. "On the day I went away..."

"Goodbye," Rocky sang.

"...Was all I had to say...," Frank sang on. "Now I... I want to come again and stay!"

"Hoo boy," Willow muttered.

"Smile, and that will mean I may. 'cause I've seen, oh, blue-"

"Can it," Buffy said suddenly. "Hey, Riff Raff, did you say 'transit beam'?"

"Yes...," he grunted suspiciously.

Buffy glanced around at the group. "Well... do you think you could transport us back to our dimension? Somehow we got sucked here in our dreams, but... well, it's just too weird. I'm pretty sure we'd all like to get back."

"Hey, put that down!" Riley warned suddenly. "That's a laser!"

They all looked over to where Riff Raff had picked up the gun. "Yes, Riley Finn. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter." He leveled it at Frank, accidentally knocking Giles's glasses off his nose.

"You mean...you're going to kill him? What's his crime?" Buffy demanded. Everyone just stared at her, and she laughed. "Okay. Sorry. Dumb question."

"Look at what he's tried to do to all of us!" Giles added. "Society must be protected."

"Exactly, Dr. Scott- erm... Rupert Giles. And now, Frank N Furter, your time has come. Say goodbye to all of this, and hello... to oblivion!" 

"Cool!" Buffy squealed, as the escaping Frank and his creation were caught in the gun's beam. Their bodies fell into the pool below.

"You killed them!" Riley said, shocked.

"But I thought you liked them! They liked you!" Willow objected.

"They didn't like me," Riff Raff sneered. "He never liked ME!"

"Well done," Giles commended him.

"A decision had to be made," Riff Raff shrugged.

"Fine by me," Xander agreed. "He was... really... very strange."

"Mr. Giles, I'm very sorry about your glasses," Riff Raff said in his strange voice.

"My glasses? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best," Giles said thoughtfully. "I've been meaning to get a new pair."

"Have you considered tortoise-shell?" Riff Raff inquired, lowering the gun.

"Yes, actually," Giles admitted. "But personally, I think I prefer the-"

"Guys!" Buffy interrupted. "I'd really like to go home now."

"Yes, you should all leave now," Riff Raff agreed. "I will beam the house back to your galaxy, and then Magenta and I will journey home to our... beloved planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania. Come! We must get ready!"

  
  
  


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5


	5. Five

(((Part 5)))

  
  
  


Buffy awoke, gasping from the intensity of her dream. She glanced around her, as the others sat up as well.

All they could do was look at each other, overwhelmed.

"Wow," Buffy finally managed.

"I mean... yeah," Riley struggled.

They all stood, stretching.

"Well, that was... interesting," Giles said slowly, as they moved out toward the dining room. "And you said it was the First Slayer's punishment, Buffy?" he inquired.

"The first slayer... wow," Willow said slowly.

"Not big with the socialization," Xander added.

"I know," Buffy agreed. "She was only there for one scene."

"Somehow, our joining with Buffy and invoking the essence of the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power," Giles began.

"You know, you could've brought that up before we did it," Buffy said, annoyed.

"I did!" Giles insisted. "I said there could be dire consequences!"

"Yeah, but you say that about everything!" Buffy argued.

Joyce padded down the stairs toward them. "I'm guessing I missed some fun."

"I wouldn't exactly call it fun," Buffy said, wrinkling her nose. "The first Slayer sent us all into the Rocky Horror Picture Show in our dreams."

"Oh," she said, looking surprised. She paused. "Well... anyone want some hot chocolate?"

"Sure," Willow agreed.

"I'd love some," Riley added.

"That would be great," Buffy said.

"Marvelous," Giles agreed.

"Xander? Will you be my kitchen buddy?" Joyce requested.

"Sure. Uh, Buffy's Mom," Xander agreed, hastening to help her.

"Are you alright?" Giles asked Buffy, noticing her concerned frown.

"Yeah, I just... I think I might jump in the shower," Buffy said, wrinkling her nose.

"You do seem a bit... well. I suppose you never really thought about the first Slayer. It was quite a bit intense for you, I'm sure. We must've just gotten a taste of it."

Buffy shook her head. "No. It's just... I mean, the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I will *never* be clean again." She frowned and headed up toward the shower. 

But when she walked by her bedroom... she couldn't stop herself. She seemed drawn inside, and stood for a moment, staring at the bed.

And then, suddenly, she began to dance, hoping that no one could hear her. "Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

[THE END]

  
  
  


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5


End file.
